Life, More Abundantly

FAR TOO MANY OF US ARE MISSING THE VERY BEST GOD HAS TO OFFER US! AND WE ARE DOING IT BECAUSE WE SIMPLY CHOOSE NOT TO BELIEVE ONE OF GOD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL PROMISES TO US!!

Okay, hopefully, I have your attention. Now, are you ready to have your life changed and made bigger and more wonderful than you ever dreamed? Here we go ...

In Mark 5, we find the account of a man living among the tombs. This man was possessed with demons. Think about this for a moment. This man literally LIVED in the graveyard. He walked every day among the dead. He was tormented by so many demons that they called themselves "Legion." This man was living in death.

Sidebar: What a clear picture of life without Christ! For isn't that what life is before an encounter with Christ, merely existing with no hope for anything beyond the here and now?

Okay, back to the demoniac. He was truly a tormented man. He was alone. He was afraid. And then, he saw Jesus. How did this man, this possessed man who was in the control of Satan's demons, recognize Jesus? I've wondered about this often as I've read and studied these verses. My conclusion is two-fold.

First, the man saw what was missing in his life. He recognized His Creator. He saw the Savior. And he KNEW he needed Jesus. Second, the demons knew exactly who Jesus was. James 2:19 tells that that even the demons recognize Christ. So, what we find is simple - the revelation of Jesus Christ and His offer of life in the midst of sin's trap of death is always clear to both us as humans and to the forces of Satan. For us, that revelation brings hope; for them, fear.


So the man knew who Jesus was and so did the demons. When Jesus spoke to the demoniac, his tormentors revealed themselves. And the amazing, beautiful, miraculous next event can be described in just one word- COMPASSION. Jesus saw the man with compassion. (Aren't you thankful that is how He sees you?) He saw the individual, not the legion of demons inside. Jesus saw the man. He saw one in need of forgiveness and grace. And that is exactly what He gave.

The rest of this story is that Jesus allowed the demons to possess the swine nearby. The swine upon their possession immediately jumped off a cliff into the waters below and died. But that's not the part I want to consider. What about this man? This new man with new life? Do you think for one minute this man stayed in that graveyard? Of course not!

Once we have life, what appeal does death have? And yet, I find, in my life and so many others, that we are satisfied with just the beginning of life. We never move to that next level, that part Jesus promised in John 10:10 - LIFE, MORE ABUNDANTLY; LIFE, TO THE FULL. That isn't just the promise of our life in heaven, that is what our precious Savior desires to give us here and now.

And what is life more abundantly? Living life to its fullest, every day, in Christ. It is seeing - people, places, miracles, beauty, suffering, pain. It is hearing - hurts, joys, birds, babies, and that still small voice of God. It is experiencing - mountains, valleys, plateaus, rivers of mercy, streams of peace. How often do we spend an entire day without any new revelation of God? When that happens, we must understand it is our failure to recognize Him, not His failure to reveal Himself. We fail to see His beauty in the sunrise. His cleansing in the rain. His wrath in the storms. His grace in the rainbow.

My prayer for me, for you, for all Christians is this - that we strive for life abundantly. That we yearn for the fullness and richness of living completely in Christ. And, that in doing so, we find abundance that we never imagined.

Oh Holy God, Giver of life
Give us a seal for living
Take us from our complacency
And move us into Your abundance
Let us live in Your fullness
And may You dwell fully in us.
~ Amen

NEW blog

Over the past few months I have been toying with several ideas for blogging and teaching and writing. I finally bit the bullet and started a new blog dedicated to writing Bible studies, devotions, essays on spiritual formation, etc.

I am really excited about this new endeavor. I have missed teaching a Bible study and am looking forward to adding an in-depth study to the new blog ~ probably in the fall. For now, I have kicked off a series titled "Finding Jesus in my Messy House." Just a look at some of the lessons I've learned about my relationship with God over the years. Amazing how He always uses everything we do to draw us to Him ... if only we are paying attention.

Please visit the new blog ... and leave a comment! Would love to hear ideas and suggestions about potential topics, studies, etc.

Oh, you probably want the link, huh? Pleasing to You is my heart-longing to know Christ and be known by Him. Based on Psalm 19:14, my life verse, which says "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer," my earnest prayer is that the words and messages on this little corner of the world wide web will always bring joy to the Father and be found pleasing to Him, a fragrant aroma and sacrifice of praise.

So, off you go to Pleasing to You ...

Really, check it out here ...

Waiting Patiently (or My Argument with God)

Be still in the presence of the LORD,
and wait patiently for him to act...
Psalm 37:7a (NLT)

Waiting. A tough assignment. Perhaps the toughest.

Waiting patiently. PATIENTLY? Really? Seems nigh to impossible sometimes.

Like now.

I love reading the Psalms. Covering the gamut of human emotion and situations, always I find comfort in the words of David and so many others. Knowing that my circumstances and feelings are not unique, that others have faced the same trials and troubles just somehow brings me back to reality. Keeps me from that egotistical idea that what I am facing in this moment is somehow the biggest difficulty ever faced by anyone at anytime in all of history. I need that perspective.

But, right now, the very last word from the Lord that I desired to hear is, "Wait. But don't just tap your foot like you're in a long line at Wal-Mart. Wait patiently."

Can you just hear my argument with the Lord? It generally goes something like this:

Me: Lord, You can't be serious! Wait? Why wait? You see what is happening. You see how it is causing pain and heartache.

God: Yes, I see. I see what you see. But I also see what you cannot see.

Me: Well, could you show me a little of that? Because, God, THIS is too much. THIS is more than I can manage. THIS is overwhelming. THIS is just too hard.

God: (Chuckling) Yes, my dear one, you are right. This is too much for you, more than you can manage, overwhelming to you, and THIS is most assuredly too hard for you.

Me: Are you really laughing at me, God? Because I am serious here. I mean it! I don't know what to do.

God: Oh, my precious child, I am not laughing at you. I am amused that even after all this time of walking with me you still fail to understand that I have never asked you to carry your load alone. I never expect you to bear your burden by yourself. And I have never desired that any situation you face be managed in your strength. My sweet daughter, I am here. Of course you feel overwhelmed and overtaken by this situation. IT IS too much for you. But, child, it is not too much for Me. I have loved walking by your side through all the joys and beauty your life has held thus far. But, know this, it is a greater thrill for me to hold you close during this storm. I take such joy in hiding you while TOGETHER we wait out this storm.

Me: But, God, I don't like the storms. The lightening is so bright and too dangerous. And the thunder scares me ... it's loud and shakes me to the core.

God: I know. But the storms give you something you need. In the lightning that flashes you can learn to see clearly. That brightness CAN be dangerous but it can also protect you. Remember, I am the Light of the World. I do know how the thunder shakes you. But when you are shaking, I am still solid and unmoving. You can trust me. You can wait WITH me. And as we wait together, I will teach you patience.


And so, with more than a little hesitation, I recognize that God is near. Even in the waiting. Maybe especially in the waiting. And as I sit with Him, spend time with Him, learn more about Him, treasure Him, I find that patience comes a little easier, a little more naturally.

And so I wait. Patiently. Even in this current storm, this time of uncertainty and confusion. And I trust that THIS does not overwhelm, surprise, or move my God. I trust Him and I stand on His word:

The LORD saves the godly;
he is their fortress in times of trouble.
The LORD helps them,
rescuing them from the wicked.
He saves them,
and they find shelter in Him.
~ Psalm 37:39 - 40 (NLT)

What are you becoming?

Philippians 3:9 ~ And become one with him. I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith.

Yesterday our pastor preached on justification - that process by which we are made right with God through the blood of Christ. It was a great sermon. One of the concepts Pastor Tim made very clear is how thoroughly Christ has paid the ransom for our sin. "Justification is not the same as a pardon which merely eliminates the punishment but does not make someone not guilty. Christ not only takes our sin -giving us our salvation - He also gives us His righteousnes - giving us justification before the Holy God." Wow ... that is just huge!! I grew up in church. I've heard sermons on justification before ... got the pithy sayings like, "Justification is just as if I'd never sinned." For some reason, though, right now, I'm overwhelmed by the depth of God's love for me and Christ's willingness to ransom me. Isaiah 43 speaks to the idea of God ransoming other nations for His beloved Israel ... and so, we too have had a ransom paid on our behalf.

Below is the reading about justification that was done in our services yesterday. Amazing how many verses speak to the gift of justification ... a gift received by faith.

Justification
To do justice, vindicate, aquit, to prove right
“In the Lord all the offspring of Israel will be justified” (Is.45:25)
“The Righteous One, my Servant, will justify the many” (Is. 53:11)
Justification
Right, righteous, righteousness, justify
“Justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 3:24)
“A man is justified by faith apart from works of the Law” (Rom. 3:28)
“Having been justified by His blood” (Rom. 5:9)
“Through one act of righteousness there resulted justification of life to all men” (Rom. 5:18)
“God is the One who justifies” (Rom. 8:33)
“We may be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the Law” (Gal. 2:16)
“Being justified by His grace we might be made heirs according to the hope of life” (Titus 3:17)
Justification.
Through Christ
His righteousness becomes our righteousness
Through Him we are declared “Not Guilty!”
Through Him we are reconciled to God.
Through His blood we are redeemed.
Through His love we are adopted.
Through His grace we are justified.

Justified ... declared "Not guilty!" And what, then, should be our response to this profound gift? Paul articulated his response in Philippians 3:9 ... "and become one with Him. I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith" (NLT, emphasis added).

"Become one with him" ... becoming. I believe it was Kieerkegaard who said that our goal should always be "becoming" not "being" ... for as long as we recognize we are becoming we will never grow satisfied or complacent in our walk with Christ. The best response to Christ's ransom paid for us is to become one with Him. Understanding how this works can be helped by recognizing three truths about "becoming."

1. "Becoming" is the reality! No matter how mature we are in Christ, no matter how close to Him we are ... there is always more to learn, more to understand, more to experience. Paul wrote in Philippians 1:6 that we will be perfected "the day of Christ Jesus" ~ when we see Him face to face. We must understand that we are always becoming ... either we are becoming more like Christ or we are becoming less like Him. There is no way NOT to become.

2. "Becoming" is the process! There is no standing still our Christian walk. We need to realize, though, that becoming like Christ is a process. It requires discipline, dedication, and desire. We must focus ourselves on being faithful to do those things that lead to intimacy with Him. Spending time in the Word, prayer and meditation, making choices to focus on Him instead of ourselves. These are a few of the steps in the process of becoming like Christ. And we must embrace the simple truth that the relationship is built over time ... time spent together.

3. Finally, "becoming" is the journey! So often I have been waiting for the "Big Event" in my Christian life. I get consumed with expecting something huge to happen and then I miss so much of what God has for me. I am finally beginning to understand that becoming like Christ IS the big event ... and that happens on every path along my life's journey. Even when I have strayed from God's plan for me, He has taught me and protected me and loved me. My life has had many twists and turns ~ some as a result of my own poor choices and sinful behavior and others, merely the result of a fallen world. There have been great mountain moments when I have felt and experienced the vastness of God's love for me in a powerful way. And there have been valleys, dark valleys ~ valleys where I have walked in the shadow of death, faced loss that seemed overwhelming, and asked questions that have no earthly answer ~ and, yet, in those darkest times, I have found God's light still shines and offers me hope. I hope I never am guilty again of waiting on that "Big Event' ... but that my life's journey is marked by daily, momentary little events of seeking God, trusting God, and resting in Him.

"Becoming" is such a precious thing. It is our sacrificial response to the gift of justification. And Paul gives us three milestones along the way ...

"I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's law" ~ realizing that I cannot do it!

"I trust Christ to save me" ~ accepting that His sacrifice is sufficient in all ways, at all times, for all people, including me!

"Depends on faith" ~ the hard part! Becoming requires believing. As Pastor Tim demonstrated yesterday, we can KNOW all about a chair ... it's design and description ... but until we SIT in the chair, we don't BELIEVE it can hold us. Faith requires acting on what we say we know. And it is only through faith that we can "become one with Him."

So, I'm wondering ... .what am I becoming? A person who daily is more like Christ ... more "one with Him"? What about you? What areyou becoming?

Amazed ...

And be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from faith in God and is by faith. Philippians 3:9 NIV

And become one with Him. I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's Law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God's way of making us right with Himself depends on faith. Philippians 3:9 NLT

And be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own from the law, but one that is through faith in Christ - the righteousness from God based on faith. Philippians 3:9 HCSB


What a great verse for this Saturday before Easter! Just considering the profoundness of His great sacrifice and the amazing grace I do not deserve is overwhelming at all times ~ but more so as we pause to reflect deeply on the reality of what He endured physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and socially. That my righteousness can ONLY come through faith in Christ is one of those truths that I often let slip right by.

I love the NLT on this verse ... "I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's Law, but I trust Christ to save me." Isn't that the crux of our "Sinner's Prayer" .. that most simple declaration of understanding. I am sinful but You, O God, are holy. And I need You. So I trust Your plan for reconciliation even though I don't understand HOW or WHY ... I take you, God of Truth, at Your eternal, unchanging Word. Most simply said by Pastor Rick Warren, "It's not about me." And once we realize that ... oh, the freedom that follows.

Paul understood this. He had tried to be right through the Law, through his lineage, and through legalism. Not one of those met that need deep within ... and then he met the Light of the World. He was transformed and was able to write, "For if any man is in Christ, he is a new creation! The old is gone, the new has come" (2 Corinthians 5:17).

And so, we find him, late in life, writing to his beloved church in Philippi. Once again sharing that simple truth ... the sufficiency of grace and the necessity of faith. Having shared that all the things he once valued are now trash to him and that the only pursuit of value is knowing Christ, Paul offers to them the simple message of the Gospel ... righteousness, rightness with God, comes not through what we do but entirely through Christ's provision. A gift we are freely offered, a gift accepted through faith in Jesus Christ. Is there a better message for Easter? Is there a better message for any day?

Today, I pray that I grasp the reality of Christ's great love. I am listening to Pandora right now ... "Amazed" is playing. And it so captures my heart right now.


"Amazed"
Artist: Lincoln Brewster
Album: All to You... Live
Date: 2005

(verse 1)
You dance over me while I am unaware
You sing all around but I never hear the sound

(chorus)
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
And how You love me

(verse 2)
You paint the morning sky with miracles in mind
My hope will always stand
For You hold me in Your hand

(bridge)
How deep how wide
How great is Your love for me

May I never cease to be amazed at the vast love of God ... how deep, how wide, how great ...how utterly unbelievable and undeserved. May my declaration be the same as Paul's ~ My righteousness is not of me but only, ever, always, entirely of Christ through my faith in Him to the great glory of God Almighty who loved me and sent His Son for my ransom, to pay my price. To Him and Him alone be all glory, honor and praise for now and forever. Amen.

Philippians 3:8 ~ Do you KNOW?

Seems like Casiday is always asking me questions that begin with, "Mommy, do you know ...?" Do I know where her dance bag is, why we park on the driveway and drive on the parkway, which color is her favorite today, and on the list goes. We live in what has been termed the information age and the pursuit of knowledge is considered a noble one. Those who know me, know that I am a student at heart ... I love to study, to dig, to learn. A voracious reader, I find myself reading books about almost anything ... a lifelong quest to know more.

All that to say (write!), that when I am studying Scripture, any verse with KNOW or KNOWLEDGE in it, will immediately cause me to stop and ponder. Philippians 3:8 says "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them all rubbish, that I may gain Christ" (NIV).

Clearly, I had to stop here and spend some time!! But before we get to the knowing, there was another phrase that I had to spend some serious time contemplating and researching.

The HCSB translates the first part of this verse as follows: "More than that, I also consider everything to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord ..." (emphasis added).

More than what? What is "that"? So, back to verse 7 I went ... That is "whatever was to my profit." Everything Paul had considered valuable in himself (see yesterday's blog for more discussion on this idea). So, MORE than counting all that he had gained as loss because of Christ, Paul recognized that KNOWING God, knowing Christ, living in intimate relationship with Him, is all that has lasting value.

Much like Solomon in Ecclessiastes, Paul determined that the only thing of eternal value, the only thing worthy of our life-long pursuit, is relationship with God.

Ecclessiastes 12:13 says, "Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man" (NIV).

Being the word hound that I am, I had to look up a few of those words in my handy-dandy Hebrew Lexicon. Here is what I discovered. All means ALL ... in Solomon's mind, he had examined and considered every available pursuit and thing of value. There was nothing left to evaluate or contemplate. He had reviewed it ALL. Even a quick perusal of Ecclessiastes will reveal that his assertion is accurate. So, Solomon looked at everything ... all had "been heard." The transliteration for that phrase is "sama" which means "to hear; give undivided attention; to understand what has been heard." Solomon had given his undivided attention to all the worldly opportunities available and understood each of them and what they offered.

After all that research, Solomon reached "the conclusion of the matter." And what a profound, yet simple, determination. "Fear God." That word "fear" transliterates as "yare" meaning "to be afraid; to fear, revere." In this usage, the words connotes a very positive feeling of awe or reverence for God, expressed in piety or formal worship. "Fearing" God is often the motivation which produces godly living.

Solomon was not referring to merely following a set of rules, however. He was endorsing a life lived in relationship with God, using the understanding and guidelines that had been given at that time.

So, back to Paul ...Paul had lots of creditentials. He had lineage, education, connections, and authority. And yet, all of that was not what motivated him, what moved him, what drove him. He was passionate about one thing ... "the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord."

Of course, I had to look up "knowing" in the Greek Lexicon. In this verse, the word used is "gnosis" meaning, simply, "to know." The same word is used in Luke 1:77a "to give his people the knowledge of salvation" and in 1 Corinthians 13:2 which speaks of all knowledge being useless without love.

The root for "gnosis" is "ginosko" which carries the connotation of intimate knowledge, as between lovers. Paul was speaking of a deeply personal and intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. That was the all-consuming pursuit of Paul's life - to KNOW Christ.

Is that type of intimacy my pursuit? Do I yearn to KNOW Christ? Or, am I content with knowing about Him? Those were difficult questions. As I read again 1 Corinthians 13:2, my heart was heavy with the weight of conviction ... I realized that too often, I am satisfied with knowledge alone, outside the love that comes through relationship.

It's a fine line ... we are commanded to study, to meditate, to spend time in the Word of God. We know that the best way to get to know Christ is through time spent in Scripture. But we must be ever mindful and cautious not to substitute knowledge alone for relationship (knowledge + love). God desires intimacy with us ... that comes through time shared together.

Paul goes on in this verse to say, "I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." What is the rubbish in your life? What is it that you need to to lay aside in order to gain Christ? Everyone will have a different answer to this question and our answers will change throughout our lives most likely. But the reality is, that each of us must daily examine our hearts and minds - looking for the trash that has taken up space that rightfully belongs to God.

As I was thinking about why we leave the trash when we know what God has for us is so much better, I realized this ... I HATE taking out the trash in my house. It is just one of those things I do not like to do. And, I have never heard anyone say, "Oh man, I love taking out the trash." It's a gross task ... gathering up the stuff that is leftover, that we don't need, that is broken, torn, or useless. It's sometimes a messy task and usually requires walking through the whole house gathering up the trash from every room.

Same thing with tossing out the rubbish in our spiritual house! Gathering up the leftover anger, the jealousy we don't need, the hurts of broken hearts, the torn fabric of damaged relationships, and the useless frustrations that have lingered in our minds. It's messy looking at all the "junk" we've been carrying and so much easier to just leave it be. And the process of walking through the corridors of our hearts to determine what we have that needs to go is just not a pleasant task.

And yet, the rubbish is there! And it is the rubbish that keeps us from gaining Christ! We must be like Paul, counting all those things as trash, some translations say "dung," that keep us from the fullness of intimacy Christ desires with us.

Wow, this verse is packed with valuable lessons! I have been greatly challenged by Paul's testimony in Philippians 3:8. Here are the questions I am asking myself based on this verse:

1. What is the pursuit of my life?
2. Do I yearn to know Christ or am I satisfied with knowing about Him?
3. What rubbish do I need to take out of my life that I may gain Christ?

I'm stuck ... and it's not good ...

I've been reading Philippians for the few months. It's one of my favoite books of the Bible so I read it often. But this time I determined to read only one verse a day and really consider the meaning of each verse. I'm in chapter 3 and, wow!, there is so much here!! Verse 7 has me stopped ...

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ."

Whew ... that's a lot to take in!

So I asked myself these questions, "What is to my profit?" "What do I claim as valuable in me?" "Am I prepared to lay that down - to count it LOSS for the sake of Christ?" Those are some tough questions. It goes back to denying myself ... I get that. But then, God just kept showing me the answers about what it is that I am holding up as valuable ... as my profit ... and those things are deep within me, those emotions and attitudes that I am holding tight with clinched hands.

I have this great Hebrew-Greek Key Word Bible. It has the Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek dictionaries and OT Hebrew and NT Greek lexicons ... I love this Bible. Anyway, I looked up "consider" from verse 7.

Consider - hegeomai - to bring, lead. To lead or go before, go first (Acts 14:12); to govern, rule, whether in a secular sense (Acts 7;10) or in a spiritual one (Heb. 13:7, 17, 24). To think, consider (Acts 26:2, 2 Cor. 9:5, Phil. 2:3, 1 Thess. 5:13)

Of course, that led me to looking up all the other verses ... especially the ones from the definition "to think, consider." Here are the two that stood out to me ~

Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
1 Thessalonians 5:13 Hold them (those who are over you) in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with one another.

OUCH! Those two verses are where God led me ... "in humility consider others better" and "live in peace with one another." I immediately KNEW what God was telling me. I have an issue that I must trust to His care. A person who has hurt me who I must learn to live in peace with, who I must learn to consider better than myself. Not for my sake but for Christ's sake. Out of obedience ... because it certainly isn't out of a desire at this point. I don't want to let this go ... I want to hold on tight. That "live in peace" literally means "to put an end to strife." Ugh ... that cut deep! I don't want to be the one who has to initiate this ... to apologize, to reach out. I want to be RIGHT!

But my heart is torn ... I want to be RIGHT ... but I also long for RIGHTEOUSNESS. And righteousness can only come through submission, through obedience. I can asking myself which I want more ... to be right or to be righteous. I know it shouldn't be hard, the answer is really easy ... but getting there from here ... that is hard.

Futility

So I have been reading Ecclesiastes the past couple of days ... it's hard to read. Depressing and frustrating. I like to read James and Philippians and Proverbs ... books that tell me what to do. Ecclesiastes, though, it's tough. The futility of all earthly pursuits ... wisdom, wealth, pleasure, the list goes on. To be honest, I don't like to think that my pursuits are worldly ... much less worthless. But, "Then I observed that most people are motivated to success by envy of their neighbors. But, this, too, is meaningless, like chasing the wind" (4:4). Geez ... that stung a bit! Caused me to seriously evaluate what motivates me ... and while I would love to be able to say, "I am motivated by a desire to know God intimately and show His love to a dark and dying world" ... the reality is, I'm usually not. My motivation is far more likely to be competition or a desire to "prove" myself ... sometimes it may be to get attention or to detract from someone else ... but it's always rooted in selfishness.

This morning I was listening to "Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)" and was so overcome with the reality that my chains are NOT gone! I'm still chained to my flesh ... to my anger, to my jealousy, to my regret, to my unforgiveness ... I'm chained to myself. But why? What keeps me from experiencing the freedom Christ offers? I mean, I certainly know how to share it with others. I know what to say to someone else and how to encourage them to "let go and let God" ... but when it comes to myself, it just isn't so easy. And so I remain chained to my futile pursuits ... and then wonder why contentment doesn't come easy for me. I feel like a fool ... heck, I am a fool. But I just don't know HOW to let go of the "junk in my trunk" ... so I keep lugging it around as a dear friend helped me see earlier this week. I think I'm afraid that without my "issues" I won't be anyone ... my fears and my pain have defined me for so long that I just am not sure that there is anything else to me.

So I keep putting on the mask. I keep saying and doing the things I think I ought ... and I keep hoping that one day it's no longer an act ... that one day I really will be this person. But I don't want to keep doing it. Especially now that I KNOW exactly what I'm doing ... it's not the desire that is lacking ... it's courage! What if I fail? What if I'm a bigger mess? What if ? What if?

But the biggest "What if" is ... What if I don't?

"Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)"

Chris Tomlin (2004)

Amazing grace How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now I’m found

Was blind, but now I see

‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed

My chains are gone

I’ve been set free

My God, my Savior has ransomed me

And like a flood His mercy reigns

Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me

His word my hope secures

He will my shield and portion be

As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow

The sun forbear to shine

But God, Who called me here below

Will be forever mine

Will be forever mine

You are forever mine

At Home and Everywhere

This morning in my quiet time I read 2 Corinthians 5:9 (HCSB) ~ Therefore, whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to be pleasing to Him.

OUCH! That really stung me because I realized something about myself ... how much more effort I make to please God OUTSIDE my home than INSIDE it. What a terrible reality. It left me shell-shocked. Undoubtedly I am not the only one like this ... and while the thought that it is a common struggle is a nice one, it does nothing to release me from the truth that I must change. I've been pondering all day what those changes may look like ... here's a few that I have come up with:

1. Just putting things away rather than griping that whoever should have, didn't.
2. Realizing that all three of us have different love languages and meeting my husband and daughter's love needs in their languages not mine.
3. Letting little things stay little ... not blowing things out of proportion.
4. Reminding myself to be thankful!
5. Being glad that my daughter wants to be near me instead of wishing for "space"!
6. Praying with and for my family more ... not just when it's convenient for me.
7. Stop rolling my eyes!! (A very bad habit and it really annoys my husband!)
8. Just reading my Bible ... no real agenda, just spending time getting to know the Father. Too often I focus on completing a task, studying for a class, etc ... I want to be content to just "sit" in the presence of the Father as revealed in His Word.

So, that's my start. Just to be pleasing to GOD at all times ... what a great priority.